There are times when Blogger is The Man...and this is one of those times.

I am a little bit pissed. Maybe a little more than a bit. The reason? I wrote a great blog....a spectacular blog on this new book I am reading..."the Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne...and then Stupid blogger erased it. That's it blogger. Now I am real steamed!

I will not re-write it. I have no patience and what little emotional energy I did have is now been sucked out by the first attempt at this blog. Just know this. The book I am reading completely kicks ass and it will make you totally examine your life...if it doesn't you have no heart. Email me or ask me questions if you want to know more about the book.

I was actually wondering if anyone had read the book or was interested in going out and buying one this very instant so that we could have a dialog/book club/discussion thing with this very book...but now in my heart I know no one will want to get a book that I only described at "Kick-ass" and "life examining". Maybe you should go on someone else's book review sight and find out what others have to say about it. Because I have nothing else.

You have no soul blogger...and that is the only thing that makes me feel O.K. about this whole situation. Good night.

But seriously...read the book...right away so we can talk about it.

A sweet baby...and my friend Ty...and one final thought.

I am thinking about two...no, three things tonight. Here you are...

1.) Lisa I like you. I want to be someone like you. I like how you show Jesus.

If you want to know more about why I want to be like Lisa, just check out her blog.

2.) I like Ty. Anonymous is pissing me off big time. In fact, I dislike him a lot...a whole lot. He made another hateful comment on Ty's smart blog. If you want to say anything to him...you should go there now. Ty please know that we think you are fabulous. Anonymous please know that hate is no aloud here...please be kind or go away. Amen.

3.) I want to have another baby. I want to have two kids to love. A little girl would be great, but another boy I would be happy with as well. Here is the hold up...
Ryan and I are feeling like I am not really suppose to have one. I was so sick the first time, we just don't know if I should try. At the same time it takes a lot of money to adopt. You see, working part time at Outback and work the other time with Renovatus for free doesn't afford much extras for things like...oh...buying children...for example. Does anyone know much about Foster adopting? The idea is just starting to go through our minds....
I mean I will be a stay at home mommy...so I can give the baby lots of attention...how does it really work? Anyone have experience with this. I am thinking little baby...I guess probably a drug baby. What are my chances of actually keeping him/her?
If you have any info on this...pass it along. We are still in the thinking stage...so I don't even know if this will really go anywhere...Pray for us, will you? Thanks.

4.) Where have all my funnies gone? I mean people, I use to be quite humorous. I am just not feeling it. Here I sit, trying to think of something...anything that will be light hearted...but nothing is coming. I guess I am just in one of those moods. Hmmm

5.) Sorry...sorry to you dear reader...this has been long, drawn out, and quite boring. So I am going to end now. good night.

6.) Remember Raj? Oh how I miss him...

7.) Peace out Suckers!



P.S. Why do I love dirty Pirate Johnny Depp so much??

Mark my words people...I will get me some dreads. Some Darn good dreads....Just watch me.

All boy?

I love how you are. You funny little guy.

Here is Jonesy when he discovered he could wear mommy's bandanna. He LOVES it! Almost as much as he loves wearing necklaces (not quite...I am not sure if anything makes a boy feel as fancy as wearing a pretty beaded necklace. Seriously, we can't even take him into a jewelry department at any store...he cries because he wants the necklaces...wants them bad! ). Since then he has been trying to wear anything that could pass for a bandanna on his head...mostly he just walks around with a hand towel on his head (that he has laid there himself). Man he is cute. Our only dilemma with his fabulous fashion taste is this...The necklaces, funny bandannas, and mommy's slipper socks (which he also adorns on special occasions) are all ok, but how do you get a boy to not be sad with his shoes when all he wants are the pink ones. Seriously...anytime we go to the shoes store he only wants the pink ones...I show him lots of blue, red, camo, but no, he loves pink...and Hello Kitty. The issue here is not about me worrying that he will be to feminine...I don't think this even plays into that...the issue is I feel so bad not buying him the any of the shoes his heart desire (Pink Crocs, sparkle pink slides, ect...) and making him cry when he has to put them back...but I am not going to actually buy him a pair like that! What's a mom to do?

For Sissy T...and for Sara(h?)...BFF!

This is for you T.



It's kind of creepy all your dreams about babies are deformed and very tiny. Remember fetus baby which you kept in a saucer of milk on the window sill? Remember when he dried up like a chip?? Sad...I don't really know what to make of it....Sorry.

The kettles are black...My heart is sad.

I love kettle corn. (not like I love my husband, but maybe like I love my all my earthly possessions)I do not like it when it gets burnt. That makes baby Jesus cry. I do love kettle corn the most with a big box of hot tamales...one bite corn/one bite tamales. I also love to drink milk with my kettles and hot toms.

Here I sit tonight...a big bag of half burnt Kettle corn, no tamales, no milk...What's a girl to do? I guess eat the whole bag by myself anyways.



Good night

This is for R to the 1

If you saw Ryan's post with the Southpark video and if you read Arwen's comment about evolution...then you'll want to watch this. Sorry for all the Southpark from the Woods' home this week.

New Book...Maybe you should read it?

So I just finished a new book. I loved it. I know a lot of people say that about books, but I don't. I can think of maybe a handful of books that I actually love....Maybe 4? I love a book that I deem intelligent, thought provoking, something that I walk away from either enriched or at least one that caused me to think or has enlightened me in some way. I know that makes it sound boring, but I have no other way of describing what I like in a book. I want something that is real (not necessarily non-fiction), alive, and I am the better for reading it. For me, if I am actually going to commit to reading something, I want my imagination to be stimulated, for my thoughts to be challenged, to walk away maybe a little different? (Is that really what I want to say??)

Anyway, all that was to say that I really enjoyed a new book. It is called "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell.
It is a very easy read, I think like 180 pages. I think you should take the time to read it, you might be pleasantly surprised at it's perspective and the ways it's philosophy is presented. When you read it let me know what you think. I hope it is for you what it was for me.

You are so stinking cute...it kills me!

Jones is a monkey for Halloween and it is ridiculous how cute he is in his costume...He even walks like a monkey!

Wonka down, wonka down!

It is true. The last wonka...the last remaining pair died a tragic death this week. The cause...Death by Purse. It is in fact the same way all the other wonkas left this world...It really was fate. This death is tragic, more so then you might realize. It ends an era. Not a long era, but glorious one. A time when wonkas united and created something that could last...Something that would last....or so we thought. We think this no more. Not with this finally passing. And so with this in mind I say good-bye. Good-bye old friend. You who shaded not only my eyes, but my entire face. You who were so large that you kept anyone from ever knowing I had eyebrows or even a forehead. You who can never be replaced. Good-bye forever. I love you!

If you would like to leave a shout out to the wonkas...any wonk you chose...you may do so on this post. I believe that even though they are gone, the wonkas can still hear us and will be blessed to be missed. Please be reverent.

Oh and P.S. Sorry about the car picture. I didn't mean it to alarm anyone, I just didn't have a picture of my car, so I googled a wrecked silver car. Ooops...should have thought that through a little bit more. Anyway, my car is smashed, but not that smashed.

The final update...

So here is the latest news...

Jillian's visit to the cardiologist went very well. She does have a couple
of abnormalities but they are in the acceptable range. And unless they were
to get a lot worse at some future time she doesn't have to worry about them.
Some of the blood work has indicated that she has had a virus and so is most
likly run down from that. He feels that most of the syptoms are due to
stress. That she needs to do only 10 things instead of 30. Also that she
needs not to try to save the WHOLE world but maybe just herself and one or
two other people. She is able to return to work with the understanding that
she is to make choices and say "no" sometimes. Thank you so much for your
prayers on her behalf. She is so blessed to have so many people who love
and care for her.

Thank you again!

Pam

So that is good news! Yeah Jillian and yeah God!



Now onto other things...
I have a terrible neck-ache! Jones and I got in a car accident today and now I am pissed...What once was a pretty awesome car (You know a silver Hyundai Accent, just about the coolest car you can get.) is no longer so. It has a completely smashed hood and front bumper. Add that to the fact that it is scary to crash with your child (he is ok but has abrasions on both sides of his neck from the shoulder straps of his car seat.), especially when they get scarred and scream! What started with me being in Portland, looking, trying to see if I had come to the right street, ended up with a rear-ending. My fault. The car in front of the one I hit slammed on their brakes, then he slammed on his and I sorta slammed on mine, but mostly I just plowed into him. Ooops! The moral of this story is...never look to see if you really need to turn, just turn. That's it, just turn and hope it works out good. THE END

Jilli McJillerson

So here is some news about Jilli before I go out of town...When I get home, hopefully I can go into more detail. Here is the email from my mom:

Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

Praise God! The Echocardiogram results for Jillian have come back with a
much better result then the first EKG indicated. There is some sluggishness
in the valve going into her heart. But it is only a little under the normal
varriance. The fact that she is still having symptoms however has the
doctors a little concerned. She is to under go a fasting blood panel on
friday and a stress EKG on Tuesday of next week. Then she is to see a new
cardiologist sometime the end of the week. From some of the blood work that
was done before there is some indication that it might be a virus of some
kind but nothing is certain until the new blood work results are in. She has
been released from "bed rest" and is allowed to go about life but no work
until all the tests are in and she is to REST. She is very releived about
being able to do a few more things. Thank you so much for your prayers and
good wishes. Please continue to hold Jillian up before God. She is still
VERY tired and run down. Her chest still hurts from time to time and she is
still ALWAYS cold, sometimes with blue finger nails.

Thank you all again,

Pam

Have a great weekend!

Where is that thin line between action and bullshit?

All the comments on Lisa's blog made have a couple thoughts that I typed out real quick...I don't know if you agree with them. It is just my reaction to what I was reading there and what I have been thinking lately about our society in America. I am planning very soon to write another post about the media(I know you are all very excited about this...it is really all my readers favorite topic that I touch on...), and many of theses thoughts that I throw out there might be touched on in the blog to come. But this is just some ramblings...what do you think?
In America I think that the majority of people are not taught to think for themselves. We are coming to a time when most people have always had an over abundance and so are becoming lazy. Lazy in many ways, lazy not just in the physical sense. We are taking for granted the power and the place we are. We are lazy in our minds and the majority of people think not for themselves, but just the thoughts of those before or maybe even worse the thoughts the media gives us. The few who chose to think for themselves are lazy in another way, it seems. We have these strong opinions, we have these beliefs, we call out others on their poor judgment or their awful beliefs, but what do we do about it? A large number of young people don't vote, but a huge majority have very strong opinions about what is right. A scant amount of young people are socially active in their community but they have opinions that they openly share about the evils of our government and the things which people in power should do. Which seems worse? Which seems more hypocritical? The people who have political views which I do not agree with, but who take action on their beliefs , or the people who write articles, blogs (this is totally not talking about Lisa, but just peoples blogs in general), and complain verbally about their beliefs, but it stops there. They have no action. Just bull shit. Isn't that what it makes it? If I have an opinion, a standard of living that I want to hold others too, but only talk about myself...it makes it bullshit. And not just plain bullshit, it makes it hypocritical, unintelligent bullshit. I want to challenge people, not just people, but myself to think of a few things...

Do I have rights to complain and judge others about things, political, religious or otherwise if I myself am doing nothing to be proactive in that area?

Do the things I say I believe show in my life? Or do I say one thing and do another, or nothing at all?

Do I really know why I believe what I do. Did I form this thought on my own, with education and with checking my biases, or am I just spewing words and thoughts that others have fed me?

I feel so frustrated by what I feel is a lack of interest in finding information and deciding on things for one's self ( I think in Lisa's post Tara touched in this topic). I also am becoming more and more frustrated by what I see as the a selfish and lazy way of thinking that is becoming America's norm. Do we as a society hold people to truths? Do we challenge what is fed to us (mainly here I am talking about through the media ~news, commercials, reality show, ect...~ But I also think that what we are taught in school, our religious facilities, families, needs to be thought through) and decide what we believe?
How do thoughts like this effect me personally? How can I as a person come away from a written thought like this and live out what I have typed only in theory. How can I keep myself from creating my own personal hypocritical bullshit?

**How many times can one say bullshit in one post??

Hair....that word is sorta sick huh? Hair...ewww.

I need a new hairstyle and I need one bad! I haven't gotten a hair cut in like 4 months and I am going crazy! I need something a little fun and little funky, something super hot and super chic. So what do you suggest? I am up almost anything, except for long...I wont go there. I need color and cut advice...I am almost all natural color and I can't stand it much longer. Give me advice and give it fast.

Here is one idea I came up with...too bold? Too Crazy? Or Super Hot Mama?! What do you really think?

Jillian Dear

So one of my sisters, Jillian (She is the tall, thin, beautiful one...Oh wait that is both of my sisters!) lives in Australia as a missionary. She loves it and works really hard. She also, just for the record has a really sweet boyfriend named Mark...and guess what ladies he has a real authentic Australian accent. How cute is that?!? Anyway, the real reason I making this post is not to tell you all about my sister's boyfriend (I just had to add that...what girl doesn't want a boyfriend with a hot accent?), but to ask for prayers for her. I will give you a copy of the email my mom sent out:

Jillian has been in Melbourne for three weeksrepresenting AIM and working with the church there. She has not beenfeeling well for several weeks and so went to the doctor. Test were done,including an EKG and it was found that she has something seriously wrongwith her heart. The test was not detailed enough to give much informationjust that there was something wrong and her heart was not pumping all theblood from one of the chambers. Much like a 70 year olds persons, is whatshe was told. Jillian and the coordinator at Gosford decide it would be bestfor her to return to Gosford so that she could see a specialist in Sydneyand have more detailed tests. She flew there yesterday and had anechocardiogram. The results will be sent to the Doctor in 5 working daysand she will see the cardiologist them. Please pray for an accuratediagnosis. Pray for Jillian's strength and peace of mind. She is justresting in the Lord right now but is a long way from home and a littlenervous. If you want to send her prayers and love send your e-mails toauzzyaimer@hotmail.com if you have questions please send those to me attonypam@centurytel.net. Thank you so much for your love and prayers onbehalf of our daughter.

So as you can see, my 20 year old sister is having some major heart problems and needs everyones prayers! I will keep everyone updated. Thank you!

A good green bean

Every once in a while Jones will go on a hunger strike. He is very active in politics and believes that is the best way to stick it to the man. Ok really, he just goes on hunger strikes when he is teething and we just pretend he is being brave for a cause he believes in. Whenever he is on one of his strikes we like to tell anyone who he refuses food from about his strike and why he is having it. Here are some of the reasons:

Breast cancer awareness
Peace in the middle east
Acapella music only at Renovatus
Capitalism
Capitol one
Capitol hill

You know your average run of the mill hunger strike. We believe someday he will be a great leader.

But seriously, now he is on one of his hunger strikes. When he wont eat for a couple days we can occasionally trick him into eating one of his two favorite foods, plain rice cakes and green beans. Plain green beans, slightly cooked, long so he can hold one in each hand while he plays. Here is a couple pictures of my boys eatting their green beans yesterday. Aren't they the cutest?!

potent potables for $100

Ryan and I have been having an on-going conversation these days about something very important. When I tell you all what it is, I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will agree to it's level of high priority. It's something we can't figure out and I hope you all can help. Here is goes...

How does one go about being quoted? You know...you google "famous quotes" or "quotable quotes" and you come up with websites filled with thousands of quotes from people. Some people are famous, but a lot are just names that no-one or rarely anyone has heard of. I, no we, want to be some of those people. I know I can come up with somethings people will want to repeat in their speeches or at least in greeting cards. How can I go about doing this and most importantly is there any money involved?

There is my question for you. Answer it and answer it well.

Oh! I just had another idea. If you got to be quoted what would you say? This could be fun! The winner might just get their quote on my blog. Oh yeah, that is what I am gonna do. The winner will be quoted here on my blog and it will be good...real good. A-ooo, let the games begin!

Boob-lick

I used to be a pre-school teacher. We had some stuff that the kids loved to play with called oo-blick (cornstarch and water). It's pretty cool, kind of feels wet and sticky, yet dry and powdery all at the same time. One little boy in my class loved oo-blick more than anything else, everyday he would ask to play with it. This is how that conversation sounded.

"Teacher Jessica, do you have any Boob-lick?"
"Yes J I can get some oo-blick out for you."
"Thank you Teacher Jessica, Boob-lick is my favorite! I love to play with the Boob-lick."

Boob-lick Cool.

Turkey day...go away

Thanksgiving...Hmmm...I think I am un-American, let me explain.

Thanksgiving is truly one of my least favorite times of the year. I am reminded of this every fall when all of the turkey decorations arrive. I don't want to be a downer, but seriously, this holiday has come to represent some not so desirable attributes of the American society. Several of you have heard me talk about this before, but this is my blog and I will talk about it some more.
Every Thanksgiving thousands upon thousands of people get together. They cook tons of food, so much food that most have an assortment to chose from, "Which of the three salads made today shall I eat? I'll just have some of all." They eat more than is normal, more than is healthy. They actually gorge themselves to the point of discomfort "why did I eat that much? It was just so good I couldn't stop." Then they lay around tired from the meal, waiting, waiting until the evening so they can eat again "left overs and turkey sandwiches". That is what the day is, that is what it is all about...Eating...Unhealthy, gorging, over eating. How does this represent America?

We have so much. We have more than enough and we don't even realize it. We want more and when we get it, it just feeds the desire to for more things. We want more toys, more things, we run out of space and need bigger houses to contain our possessions. When we get our houses they are so big that we must get more things to fill them. We have an over abundance and how do we choice to celebrate this? By buying, making, and devouring more food than is even healthy. It just feeds our self centered greed and lust for more.

BUT....

What if Thanksgiving didn't have to be like this? What if our way of being thankful and thanking God for all that he has provided and all we have as Americans was by giving to others. What if we helped others? Fed them? Took care of the needs of others who don't have an abundance of crap or any food at all? How about taking it a step farther. What if we gave up something on Thanksgiving and gave it to someone who needed it. A sacrificial thank you, one that actually meant something because it had a cost? Maybe we should go without a meal and give our food to those who are hungry. Can you imagine giving your feast to someone who was starving! Now
that is something I could enjoy doing on a day designed to be thankful for God's provision.

Sometimes I wonder if we could start to change the ideals of our country just by changing how we ourselves chose to live. I want to chose to be thankful in a way that will change the lives of others and give to them what I have and I want to teach that to my children. That would be cool.

If I could have just one person...

If I could have just one person to do my bidding it would be a cook. I don't mind cooking too much if I know what to cook and don't have to do the dishes, but seriously, how often does that happen? If I had a cooking slave, i.e. chef who could make me whatever I wanted to eat and would then clean up his/her own mess I would be so happy! I would clean the rest of my house (seriously sweet heart, I would even pick up my clothes!), I would scrub the toilets. Oh to have a chef! Oh to not have to wash my dishes that are piled high in my sink and overflowing onto all of my counters. I think I know what I am going to ask Santa for...I can't wait for Christmas!

If you could have one person what would they do??


P.S. If this guy was my chef I think he would always sing and talk like Mario from Nintendo...Infact I know he would, because I would make him. He is my cook person I can do with him as I want.

Meditation

For a while I am going to try to have a more directed study time (and hopefully get into a better habit or routine of quiet times), I am going to focus every month on a new spiritual discipline. The purpose being to be able to learn how to connect with God in different ways and to grow my relationship with Him. This month is meditation. What do you know about it? What are your experiences with it? Got any good books?

You are one today

My precious son,
I can’t believe a whole year has gone by. You are no longer my little baby boy, you are now my running, growling toddler. I sometimes miss my tiny little boy, but when I see whom you have developed into, I would never go back. You have grown so fast. Realizing this has made me want to slow down even more, to write down all you do, and to focus more on the quality time I spend with you. You my son are more precious to me than I can put into words. Do you know that besides your dad, you are the biggest blessing God has ever given to me? Everyday I thank Him for you and pray that I can love you more fully, the way He loves you. Here is my pray for you on your birthday:

May you above all else love God with your whole heart. May you always seek Him, seeing His beauty in all areas of your life. May your relationship with Him be the most important thing in your life and may everything else stem from that dependence on Him.
I pray that you see yourself how He sees you, perfect, beautiful, a masterpiece. I ask that you believe Him when he says that you were created in His image and that he formed you into who He wants you to be. You my child were created, specially design by the maker of heaven and earth, take Joy in that.
You have been blessed with such a sweet spirit and love for people; I pray that you let that grow in you and do not let it get destroyed by the things you will experience. May you love others with the same love that God has shown you.
May this next year of your life be blessed with many beautiful things.

Jones I want you to know you are my special boy. You will always have a place in my heart that no one else can fill. I love you so much!

Love forever,
Mommy

The Real Deal (but not the real Kara Deal)

Here is the real invite! What do you think? His birthday cake is gonna be a Jones soda bottle cap, which will be the traditional silver and black. The caps on top usually have "Jones soda co." But it will instead read "Jones first birthday". There will be the big Silver J and the bottom will still say (Sticking with the true bottle cap) "I've got a jones for a Jones". If you don't know what they look like then just go to a groc store and check one out.

A shout out for all the ideas.

I must say, nice advice ladies...but the husband and I have decided on an idea and I think you might approve of. First though I want to say a few thoughts on the ideas from the previous post...

KK=you get the award for most enthusiastic party ideas. You had some excitement in your voice when you typed that my friend. You also get the award for cutest invite idea. Ticket invites, Love It!

R1=Caterpillar cupcakes, gets me everytime. A straight shot right to the ol' heart.

TT=BOOB + CAKE = LOVE 4 EVER!

RM=Solid advice.

Sorry ladies, but since none of your ideas got chosen I am afraid a "shot out" is all you're gonna get. I also think I might just wait to show you my birthday idea until we get it finished. (And those of you I have told, don't tell yet, I want to make it look good first.) You all are gonna love it!
Now onto other things...
I am at a point right now where I am afraid I wont be able to post much. ( i know, you are thinking "What is she talking about? She barely posts now!") I am going to be very busy this month with my business and so will barely be able to post or comment much. I will miss you all, but I will be back. Do not worry my beloved blogmunnity, all we are is dust in the wind.

peace out suckas!

What about this for a birthday invite/theme:
In the end we decided against it because it was more for us than for Jones.

I need a little help...got any ideas?

(Jonesy less than 24 hrs. old, almost a year ago!)

So I just accidentally posted just a title. I thought that was funny, so I left it. Ha. It is still making me laugh and I don't know why.
On to the help that is needed...

My son is turning one this month (I am very excited and yet a little disturbed by the fact that I will soon have a toddler. What the crap am I doing with one of those?) and I am have birthday party for him. It will be at the park that we love and go to several times a week. It is on a Sunday afternoon (the 20th to be exact). The park is usually pretty busy then, but it is the only time we can have it. It's 2-4:30/5:ish. (By the way you are all invited if you want to come...though not many of you live close.) It will be snacks and bubbles and some kind of cute cake...you know a 1 year old b-day. I am having trouble with a theme! I know, I know, there wont be much to have a theme with (it's outside, just snacks...so pretty much just the cake, invites, and table decor will be themed.), but it is the first one and it has to be a good one. I don't want the usual...Pastels, pooh, ect. Here are my thoughts so far:

Pirates (ex:skull and cross bone cup cakes)
Bugs(ex:Caterpillar cake)
Puppies (Just because he loves them...but it is almost too trendy for me)
Farm yard style(Chick cake)
???? (Coolest coloring page ever!)

See not much. I need something good...and I need it by like Monday/Tuesday by the latest. The sooner the better. The person who gives the best advice gets a prize...I am not sure what it will be yet...but it will be good. Real. Good. Think my little bloggers think!

Private Parts

My brother's son Koletin is 3. He is a crazy little guy, a boy through and through. And, like any boy is obsessed with his penis. He's gone through all the stages, driving it around like a stick shift, pulling it out to flash people, asking questions about it, you know, boy stuff. He has however, not really ever paid much attention to his testicles...until the other day. Here's what it looked like: (Koletin=K mom/Ciara=M Dad/Jeremy=D)
K: (In the tub) Hey mom look (points to testicles) There is something in there!
M: Yes Koletin there is.
K: What are they?!
M:They are your balls
K: My balls! I have Balls! What are they for?!
M: Yes you have balls. You need to ask your dad when he gets home what they are for.
Later Jeremy gets home from work
K:Hey dad guess what? I have balls!
D: Yes Koletin you do.
K: What are they for dad? What are my balls for?
D: Well when you get to be a big boy your balls will make you a man.
K: MY BALLS MAKE ME A MAN!!
D: yes Koletin, your balls make you a man.
K:You know what dad? Everyone has a butt.
D:yes Koletin, everyone has a butt.
K:And all boys have penises.
D:Yes all boys have penises
K:And all girls have penises??
D: No, girls have vaginas Koletin.
K: Girls have BAGINAS!
D: Yes girls have vaginas
K:Dad! boys have penises, girls have baginas, and everyone has a butt. huh dad?
D: Yes Koletin that's right.

Two days later (he had been talking with mom about how God made him and gave him a penis)
K: you know what mom? I have balls
M: Yes Koletin you have balls.
K: I have balls because Jesus gave them to me.
M: What?
K: Jesus gave me balls.

To that my dear friends I say Amen....Because it can't get much better than that.

Paying bills

I have nothing really to write about. Let me think...Hmmm...I had a great day. My husband and I try and work on bills together twice a month. We want to make it something that we don't hate too much and so will do little things to make it better. Example: Today we went to one of our favorite spots (Esther Short Park), got Starbucks, laid on a blanket in the sun and worked on our budget/paid bills for about an hour. It was so fun. Jones slept the whole time (We try and plan things like this around nap) and woke up after we finished, just in time for some swinging. I love my little family...especially my perfect husband. Sometime I will tell you some of the things I love about him.

(This Jonesy at Esther Short in April)

Before and after...What the??

Lisa thinks I am wearing tons of make-up to work out in. I added the red lipstick for the picture, but other than that just a little o' mascara and some liner. Before and after. Here you go.
The after is the one below. Now what do you think...Courtney Cox??

Yeah 1989!!

So I needed a new profile picture. I needed a good one. What better time then when one just got done working out, has on a sports top, and decided to wear red lipstick? None. I embraced my perfect opportunity.
This is what I came up with:

Courtney Cox....1989! Yes. Anyone else think this is the funniest, faux sexy pic ever. YES! "Yeah, lady with the red lips" (you just can't tell)

BEST. IDEA. EVER.

I was thinking today. I was thinking really hard...and....

HOW MUCH WOULD PEOPLE PAY ME TO CUT MY HAIR INTO A RAT TAIL??

Seriously. Let the bidding wars begin.*

*Only those who are serious may enter a bid. Good luck to all. May the best blogger win!

Just in case you forgot...here is a rat tail...

What I like about you...soccer style

The thing I love most about Soccer are the "SID" Kicks. "Sudden Instant Death" Kicks. You know the ones, the game is tied, goes into over time and then onto the kickout. Really, they are fabulous. They're exciting, suspensful, and all the players stand in a little line and hug each other. Sweet.

Sup ladies!

Sally Field is a massive tool

These were all questions I got off a website of converation starters. Next time I am eatting dinner with someone and there is a lull in the conversation I am going to pull out number 382. It should be great! And I did want to mention I got this idea from T.

405. Assuming that complete recovery were instantaneous, would you be willing to accept a year of total paralysis below the neck to prevent the otherwise certain extinction of a species of animal? It depends on what animals...I love milk, so for cows, sure. I do not however enjoy boring things like ugly fish...so for something like that, nope.

410. If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick? If I could eventually come back to me,sure. And it would be...Marci Carmen??

411. Would you have one of your fingers surgically removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases? Yes. Who wouldn't? "Hmm, lose a finger to flesh rotting disease or to surgery?"

414. Would you like to have a child much more intelligent and attractive than yourself? Please God make it so!

415. If you could have one superpower, which would you choose? to be able to make whatever food I wanted without cooking and clean my house, all with just my thoughts!

416. What was the most recent movie that made you cry? I don't really watch movies and I never cry. Oh wait...Anchorman, I cried everytime I saw it int he theatre. 4 times to be exact.

417. What famous person do other people tell you that you most resemble? This hurts me real bad, but I must be honest. Sally Field

421. What vegetable do you most resemble?A potato?

420. Do you believe honesty is the best policy? When in Rome

423. Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with? My hubby and we would get it on! Least like? Someone who smelled really bad, had bad breath and breathed disgustingly!

398. If you could solve one of history's "usolved mysteries" which would you choose?Who killed Ryan's Grandma
396. Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities without a covering of any sort and without being able to explain the reason? I would want to so badly, but in the end I wouldn't be able to and then would end up with just a plain ol' bald head.

393. Would it disturb you if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods to rot? I think I wouldn't know, but it might bother my hubby

390. Would $50,000 be enough money to induce you to take a loyal, healthy pet to the vet to be put to sleep? Interesting...(I am in a pickle...do I tell the truth and be shuned forever or do I say "never in a million years!?"...this is hard!)

388. Who is a better role model for children: Barbie or G. I. Joe? Depends. Do you want a girl who a. Has an eatting disorder or b. is a lesbo? AND a boy who a. kills everything and is violent or b. wants to be a pretty fairy girl? *

382. Which famous person, now dead, do you wish you could have seen naked? Anne Frank. (was that funny or was that just me??)

391. Would you be willing to give up all television for 5 years if it would induce someone to provide for 1,000 starving children? If you answer no to this question then you are just sick!

387. Who do you think should have been named as Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year”? Hello....The channel 4 news team!
Please feel free to answer any of these questions yourself...it will be intriguing.
*The comment on this question was a play on stereotypical fears and do not really represent the opinion of the author.

walking, farah, man boobs, and pouting mom....my family

I don't know if you know what this picture is? It is what my little family looked like after Jones took some of his first steps! That's right, we have a little walking Jones (sick...that's my child's name, not a penis! Don't be a perv...Remember when people use to use that word?)!
I am a work at home mom. I do this because I want to spend time with my sweet baby and get to see moments like this. Tonight I worked outside my home for two hours, what did my son do? Took his first two steps for his father!! That's right...well guess what son...that is the last time I let you suck on my boob. If you love your dad so much go suck on his and see how you like it! Anyway, while I was playing with Jones and pouting about not being able to see his first two steps, guess what? He stood up from where he was sitting, took three steps, and then grabbed what he wanted to get to!! I was so happy! He's the cutest ever!! Yeah for Jones!

And yes, Jones does have a six hair mohawk and Ryan does have farah facet hair. Viva Charlie's Angels!

The best show in town...my butt?

We have a little hatch-back Hyundai Accent. A cute little silver guy. To get Jones in the car and into his car seat is quite a feat indeed. I must crawl behind the seats, squat down, balance myself on the ball of my feet (Not enough room for flat footed balancing) and lift him up in his chair (all this while holding him in my arms...he's 25 pounds and wiggly!!). Crazy, I know.

Today when we were leaving the grocery store he was very hungry and a little fussy so I decided to feed him after I got him strapped into his car seat. He was in his seat...I grabbed his biscuit/cookie thing...Resumed my squatting position...fed him...And then half way stood up. I was standing in this little car, completely in an "L" shape, bent at the waist. My bum was facing the windshield (actually, Practically on the windshield) and I was leaning over talking to Jones. He was frustrated with something and so I remained in this position for a good 2-3 minutes. All was good...or so I thought. Today was wearing a long dress, which I guess while squatting had somehow hiked up around my tummy, slip and all. For two minutes I had been standing with my underwear covered butt exposed...I am pretty sure I had a fantasic weggie to boot.
How did I discover this? It wasn't until I heard a truck start behind me and I peered through my legs to see an older couple in the truck part directly nose to nose with my car. They were trying to look like they hadn't noticed my underwear stuffed crack exposed, but you could tell they were a little bit shocked my the whole thing. I reached up, picked my weggie, pulled my dress back over my buns and and looking like nothing had happened I calmly walked around to my car door, all the while smiling at the older couple and mouthing, "have a nice day". I got into my seat and drove away...To my knowledge the couple just sat there starring. I hope they got home tonight.

For Lisa and for that guy that comments on her blog as Ron Burgundy

Anchorman, anchorman, oh how I love thee
A poem I will write, a good one, you'll see
This is for Lisa, for sticking by me.
a poem in the voice of Ron Burgundy...

I should climb a mountain and yell out loud
I should tour the country side, of my band, I'd be proud.
that's right, a family band is what I would form
With dancing and fluting, and maybe some porn?
Our band will be neet-o, our band will be swell,
"Right on gang" to each other we will tell.
We will make lots of money, we'll be a big deal
Like rich mahogany and leather bound books we will feel.
The ratings will place us on top, number one
Of the losers, numero 2, we will make lots of fun.
But in our future I will now predict,
a simple act of littering, will make us just sick
We will fall from the top, fall very hard
Why did I read the work f### on that cue card?
A glass box we will be in, one filled with emotion
We will find out the milk is not the magic potion,
actually my friend we soon will find out
that milk is a bad choice when the sun is about
The one thing that all you should know
is how to bag a classy lady...this is how it should go
Don't try to use desire, or touching or wit
Give her two tickets to the gun show, and see how she likes it
Bed her quick, is my mantra, my ticket to life
"Take me to pleasure town" I'll hear from my wife
Once you find love you'll love what you hear
"I want to be on you" I will say without fear
You better be good at talking to me too
cause I don't understand Spanish, it is all just poopoo
Speaking of poop, what's that my sweet brick?
you eat An-y-thi-ng you want...that's rather sick.
Yogging is great, when your witht he one you love
like number one rating sent from above
"I will fight you", if this poem isn't one that you love,
I will straight up murder your ass.


*This poem was written late at night. It was not spell checked or edited. This is in raw form and was not changed one stinking bit. You are welcome. You. are. welcome.

To squeeze ones own poop

Ryan Changed Jones' poopy diaper. When he was finished he left the poop filled diaper on the ground next to where he had been changing him. Seeing his mistake he quickly picked up the dirty thing and threw it away. Close one!
A few minutes later I was watching Jones play. Hmmm..."what is that in his hand?" I though. "oh a cookie. No he doesn't have cookies like that. Wait, why does he have brown playdough?...Oh my...Poop!" I scream. "Jones is Squeezing his own poop!" Jones had in his hand what looked to be a brown/orange (you know the look, when a child mixes two colors of playdough together but doesn't blend well...lots of the dark color with streaks of the light. In this situation, lots of brown with some orange. Maybe pumpkin?) ball of playdough. It wasn't a smear of poop that the had gotten. No my friends, he had in his hands a big round turd that had apparently rolled out of his diaper when his dad picked it up. And he was squeezing....just sitting there squeezing it. Needless to say it had squished between all of his fingers and it was covering his hands.
I picked him up...."Ryan, get a baby wipe...wipe it off! Wipe it off!" I yell as I grab his hand, which he is trying to put into his mouth. Ryan, being dazed and rather confused by this horrifying things that is happening (all in about 5 sec I might add), runs to the kitchen sink and somehow dumps a whole pan of water all over himself and the kitchen floor. "Ryan a baby wipe" I scream "Not a pan of water!" He got the wipes and started trying to get the wads of poop off his hands...Jones starts to scream and shake his hands, flinging balls of poop all over me. We get most of it off Jones, take off his poop covered shirt and Ry takes him in the bathroom to wash off the excess residue. Some how while in there Jones falls in the sink and soaks what little clothing he still had on. I try to clean the poop off myself, making a mental note to change my clothes as soon as I could.
Later that night Arwen and I were doing some shopping. I think we went to the mall or something. On the way home I looked down and realized I was still wearing the poop pants! Not only that, but they still had some dried poop on them! It was a low point in my life. I am cool with sleeping in pee covered sheets, but wearing my waste covered clothes in public is something I am still not use to....Oh I miss the days of not smelling like a mixture of boob milk and feces!

*I want to mention that during this situation Arwen helped my discreetly using some wipes to pick up the extra turd from the ground. Thank you Arwen.

Do you know Stan Granberg?? Or should I say Richard Foster...

Is it just me or is Stan Granberg trying to change his image so he looks exactly like Richard Foster (or as I like to call him "Dick Fo")? If you have seen Stan recently you will notice there are many similarities. Too many similariteis if you ask me. Infact I have never seen them in the same place together...Hmmm...

What if Stan Killed Dick Fo and he wants to pretend he is him and take all the credit for writting killer books!? Blast you Stan Granberg! Blast you! This gives me a great thought....

Watch out Oprah...I might just pull a Stan Granberg on your ass!

The Greatest Game Ever Played

We must apologize. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica must all apologize. It began as a joke, it turned into obsession, and it ended in pain. Some have called him bipolar, but we like to call him tripolar. It no longer matters, for he is dead now, killed off by his creators, nay, by his very own personalities. Here is his story:

It was a late Thursday night and very little had happened in the blog world that day. The weekend was coming and little more was to be expected. Boredom ensued. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica jokingly came up with a plan. Find a picture we would. Give him a name we would. Create a completely artificial blogmunity member we did. We looked upon our creation and exclaimed that it was good.

There was brilliance behind the mystery. A purpose behind the bloody boy...Prepare yourself for a story that will shrink your balls to the size of raisins (results may vary).

Have you ever tried to google Monkey Knife Fight? You should try it. Go ahead. Try it. Do you notice someone? That's right people. Its none other than our dear sweet departed Raj VanAllen. We think that there is a need for some clarification. Raj is not a real name. It could be a real name, but the Raj that we all know and hate is not a real name. It's a heartfelt acronym for Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica. Are you catching on? We were bored one night and thought it would be terribly clever and even more terribly funny if we combined forces and created a new blogger. Arwen had a sudden recurrence of Monkey Knife Fight obsession, so she googled it. There was Raj. What better picture to go on that one of a pretty little boy covered in blood? So our story begins...

Everyone had great ideas of who this guy would be. Ryan created the name. Jessica created the attitude (or the direction that it would head in). Together, we created the profile and then... Raj's very first blog. From there, he took on a mind of his own. Because we all had the password, we commented on blogs without the others’ knowing-- so at times, Raj was real. He was real in our hearts. WWRD. No, not word, What Would Raj Do. It became our mantra. If Tara and Eric went camping naked, what would Raj say? If Raj ran out of ideas to blog about, who would he steal a post from? If Raj loved slurpees, what kind would he like and what would be the most disturbing thing he could say concerning them without truly offending someone personally. We figured that Raj would simply be a little joke. Something to do when our ideas for blogs wouldn’t fit into the genre of our own blogs. But then, Raj’s profile view’s surpassed all of our expectations. He had almost half of our own (Ryan and Arwen) profile views and actually more than Jessica (lets all work on this)… all over the course of a simple weekend. Raj was a genius.

He had friends that included Stacy and Tobin. Who is Stacy? Raj asks that . Through some research and much planning, we stumbled across a young lady named Stacy who was from Northern California, not too far from San Jose where Raj lived, yet far enough away from Lisa in San Diego that they would never meet. We linked to her and called her our friend. Stacy knows nothing.

One morning though, Raj got out of hand. He made comments that were inappropriate. He took a joke too far. Perhaps some of you got some of those comments... "I lost my virginity ______. It was ______." It was funny to us (or at least to Arwen, it was funny). Unfortunately, we are the type to carry on a joke about 3 days after it stops being funny. Some were outraged. Some sent direct e-mails complaining about Raj and defending the people they were aimed at. Some people had to be called personally so that they did not have heart attacks and rage and kill innocent puppies, husbands, or pedestrians. This is when we decided that it would be best if Raj were no longer in our blogmunity. Our joke had gone on long enough. Hearts had to be broken. So, our dear Raj signed off forever, but not before he apologized to everyone for hurting feelers.

So now you know the story. Raj was, and remains to be, the best blog joke of all time. We sort of Reign Supreme in that aspect... you know… thinking of it and all…

The moral of the story is that the blogmunity is a place of honesty, authenticity, and of sharing each others funny stories, their sorrows, and their random thoughts. Raj broke all those rules. And for that we, and he, apologize.

R.A.J out.

Two and a half feet + two and a half feet = Arwen

Interesting fact for today.
My son had his 9 month check-up and he is 2 and 1/2 feet tall. While telling Arwen about this today, a thought came to me...."arwen aren't you 5 feet tall?" "Yep"

So, if you put my son on top of himself you get Arwen! That's right, two little Jones' = one little

Arwen. How cute is that??