Tuesday, June 20, 2006

For Lisa and for that guy that comments on her blog as Ron Burgundy


Anchorman, anchorman, oh how I love thee
A poem I will write, a good one, you'll see
This is for Lisa, for sticking by me.
a poem in the voice of Ron Burgundy...

I should climb a mountain and yell out loud
I should tour the country side, of my band, I'd be proud.
that's right, a family band is what I would form
With dancing and fluting, and maybe some porn?
Our band will be neet-o, our band will be swell,
"Right on gang" to each other we will tell.
We will make lots of money, we'll be a big deal
Like rich mahogany and leather bound books we will feel.
The ratings will place us on top, number one
Of the losers, numero 2, we will make lots of fun.
But in our future I will now predict,
a simple act of littering, will make us just sick
We will fall from the top, fall very hard
Why did I read the work f### on that cue card?
A glass box we will be in, one filled with emotion
We will find out the milk is not the magic potion,
actually my friend we soon will find out
that milk is a bad choice when the sun is about
The one thing that all you should know
is how to bag a classy lady...this is how it should go
Don't try to use desire, or touching or wit
Give her two tickets to the gun show, and see how she likes it
Bed her quick, is my mantra, my ticket to life
"Take me to pleasure town" I'll hear from my wife
Once you find love you'll love what you hear
"I want to be on you" I will say without fear
You better be good at talking to me too
cause I don't understand Spanish, it is all just poopoo
Speaking of poop, what's that my sweet brick?
you eat An-y-thi-ng you want...that's rather sick.
Yogging is great, when your witht he one you love
like number one rating sent from above
"I will fight you", if this poem isn't one that you love,
I will straight up murder your ass.


*This poem was written late at night. It was not spell checked or edited. This is in raw form and was not changed one stinking bit. You are welcome. You. are. welcome.

17 comments:

arwen said...

liar.

Gina said...

I love your poem and I love you.

It's so beautiful it made me tear up.

RoniZee said...

Wow. That was pungent. It stings the nostrils.

Hat's off to you, my lady.

Lisa said...

that was beautiful.

dodyb said...

For some reason I cannot get all of Jess's blog...I only get part of it..any ideas?

Mrs. Andrea Wood said...

a whale's vagina

Rizzle said...

I love my wife and I love Ron Burgandy.


Dody, do you use firefox or a mac?

Lisa said...

i'm Ron Burgundy?

dodyb said...

I use foxfire...Unitl the "pooop" post it was working fine...I think my maybe my computer is constipated????

Rizzle said...

some have had problems with Jess' layout and firefox. I don't know why.

Ty said...

I know why the layout doesn't work, but it is complicated computerese, so you probably don't want to know, in which case, you should skip the rest of this comment.

[The short answer is that the people who programmed Firefox thought that two particular IE codes didn't make a whole lot of sense (though they do make this page work correctly), so they changed the way Firefox interprets the code (in the case of margins) and they didn't include the other code at all (in the case of default textbox behavior).

What it really comes down to, in this case, is that the programmer didn't care about FireFox users enough to let go of her or his favorite programming method.

See: I told you that you didn't want to know.]

dodyb said...

Thanks Ty. I did want to know and now I do. So I guess I just won't get to read all of Jess's posts then :((

tabitha jane said...

i'll punch you in the ovary if you keep stalking me and not saying hello . . . :)

just kidding! feel free to crash any weddings my sisters may have! :)

tara said...

thats the longest/funniest peom ive ever read. really, quite long. it was "the balls".

KK said...

Dodyb... don't be sad. You're not alone! I have a mac and now I only enjoy parts of Jessica's blog too!

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