We must apologize. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica must all apologize. It began as a joke, it turned into obsession, and it ended in pain. Some have called him bipolar, but we like to call him tripolar. It no longer matters, for he is dead now, killed off by his creators, nay, by his very own personalities. Here is his story:
It was a late Thursday night and very little had happened in the blog world that day. The weekend was coming and little more was to be expected. Boredom ensued. Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica jokingly came up with a plan. Find a picture we would. Give him a name we would. Create a completely artificial blogmunity member we did. We looked upon our creation and exclaimed that it was good.
There was brilliance behind the mystery. A purpose behind the bloody boy...Prepare yourself for a story that will shrink your balls to the size of raisins (results may vary).
Have you ever tried to google Monkey Knife Fight? You should try it. Go ahead. Try it. Do you notice someone? That's right people. Its none other than our dear sweet departed Raj VanAllen. We think that there is a need for some clarification. Raj is not a real name. It could be a real name, but the Raj that we all know and hate is not a real name. It's a heartfelt acronym for Ryan, Arwen, and Jessica. Are you catching on? We were bored one night and thought it would be terribly clever and even more terribly funny if we combined forces and created a new blogger. Arwen had a sudden recurrence of Monkey Knife Fight obsession, so she googled it. There was Raj. What better picture to go on that one of a pretty little boy covered in blood? So our story begins...
Everyone had great ideas of who this guy would be. Ryan created the name. Jessica created the attitude (or the direction that it would head in). Together, we created the profile and then... Raj's very first blog. From there, he took on a mind of his own. Because we all had the password, we commented on blogs without the others’ knowing-- so at times, Raj was real. He was real in our hearts. WWRD. No, not word, What Would Raj Do. It became our mantra. If Tara and Eric went camping naked, what would Raj say? If Raj ran out of ideas to blog about, who would he steal a post from? If Raj loved slurpees, what kind would he like and what would be the most disturbing thing he could say concerning them without truly offending someone personally. We figured that Raj would simply be a little joke. Something to do when our ideas for blogs wouldn’t fit into the genre of our own blogs. But then, Raj’s profile view’s surpassed all of our expectations. He had almost half of our own (Ryan and Arwen) profile views and actually more than Jessica (lets all work on this)… all over the course of a simple weekend. Raj was a genius.
He had friends that included Stacy and Tobin. Who is Stacy? Raj asks that . Through some research and much planning, we stumbled across a young lady named Stacy who was from Northern California, not too far from San Jose where Raj lived, yet far enough away from Lisa in San Diego that they would never meet. We linked to her and called her our friend. Stacy knows nothing.
One morning though, Raj got out of hand. He made comments that were inappropriate. He took a joke too far. Perhaps some of you got some of those comments... "I lost my virginity ______. It was ______." It was funny to us (or at least to Arwen, it was funny). Unfortunately, we are the type to carry on a joke about 3 days after it stops being funny. Some were outraged. Some sent direct e-mails complaining about Raj and defending the people they were aimed at. Some people had to be called personally so that they did not have heart attacks and rage and kill innocent puppies, husbands, or pedestrians. This is when we decided that it would be best if Raj were no longer in our blogmunity. Our joke had gone on long enough. Hearts had to be broken. So, our dear Raj signed off forever, but not before he apologized to everyone for hurting feelers.
So now you know the story. Raj was, and remains to be, the best blog joke of all time. We sort of Reign Supreme in that aspect... you know… thinking of it and all…
The moral of the story is that the blogmunity is a place of honesty, authenticity, and of sharing each others funny stories, their sorrows, and their random thoughts. Raj broke all those rules. And for that we, and he, apologize.