As I am sitting here in the bedroom, not doing much of anything (except waiting for a knock at my door and a giant man size killer beetle to walk through), I have had a few realizations about what has transpired at my house in the past 30 mins.
First: the thing that I noticed immediately after posting, was the fact that at the very moment I felt the urge (might I say strong survival need) to check on the creature behind me, was at the exact time he started to fly. Coincidence? I think not. Do you know why? Because anyone would have turned...I swear I could actually hear his mammoth wings as he took flight.
Second: Once you have lost a predator it is a bad idea to leave a room and turn off all the lights on your way...especially if you are going to have to go back into that room! (what can i say, it wastes energy to leave lights on! Just because that t bug has a nasty foot print, it doesn't mean I have to have one as well!)
Third: I blame my Christmas tree for all of this. I am never getting one again.
Fourth: Sometimes I am a little extreme and act out of impulse.
Fifth: I will more than likely get a Christmas tree again next year.
Sixth: The good news (besides Jesus and his kingdom of course...that's a given) is that Arwen is coming over to be with me (I had to be a brave mom and leave the room we were hiding in...Jones had to go to bed and I think I was bothering him) and she mentioned something about a sword. Well it is going to take one to slay this beast if he ever comes out of hiding.
To be continued....
I just found the bug....and I think he likes red...guess who is wearing a red head scarf?!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Killer Spider Part 1
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that there is a spider above my back door 9the one that sits by my chair and couch) the size of a golf ball! I am not joking. The worst part...I can see it crawling. worst part number 2....my husband is at work. This only leaves me two options: 1. to smash the beast or 2. wait till Ryan gets home to kill him. I will tell you right now that there is no way that I am killing that bug. Number two it is...wait for Ryan. The main proble
OH MY GOODNESS
While I was typing I turned around to keep an eye on the evil spider. AND HE WAS FLYING! He is not a spider, but a massive flying beetle thing with a giant stinger! I don't know which is worse....Actually I do...this thing can fly and now I don't know where it is!
Ok, I am writing the rest of this from my bedroom. Jones and I are are locked in here, because we lost the nasty creature. (don't judge me...You would be hiding too if you were trapped in a house with that thing, especially if you don't know where it went!) I will keep you updated. Think good thoughts for me, I am going on a mission out to the kitchen for rations. Apple juice has been requested and I don't think there will be rest till it is received.
OH MY GOODNESS
While I was typing I turned around to keep an eye on the evil spider. AND HE WAS FLYING! He is not a spider, but a massive flying beetle thing with a giant stinger! I don't know which is worse....Actually I do...this thing can fly and now I don't know where it is!
Ok, I am writing the rest of this from my bedroom. Jones and I are are locked in here, because we lost the nasty creature. (don't judge me...You would be hiding too if you were trapped in a house with that thing, especially if you don't know where it went!) I will keep you updated. Think good thoughts for me, I am going on a mission out to the kitchen for rations. Apple juice has been requested and I don't think there will be rest till it is received.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
True Story
Ok so here is the scene:
We (my little family) are all driving in the car. I am really frustrated about something (like a project I was working on kept messing up...I don't remember exactly.). I have been talking about it to Ryan for over 5 minutes when I say, "I am just so angry".
From the back seat Jones says, "you should talk to Jesus"
M: What Jones?
J: You should talk to Jesus.
M: That's a good idea
J:Mommy is your heart filled with anger?
M: Yes, i guess so.
J: is it filled with jealousy too?
M: Mostly anger.
J: You need to talk to Jesus and ask him to fill your heart. Fill it with Him and with love.
M: You are right. I should pray to Jesus about it.
J: You don't have to pray. Just have to talk to Him. Ok...
M: Right now?
J: Yes mommy, right now. Ask Jesus to fill your heart.
I then prayed in the car that Jesus would fill my heart with him and Love and take away my frustration. We then moved on to a theological discussion over if praying to God and talking to God are the same thing or not...I am not sure what we decided in the end. (In some discussions he (Jones) cannot be swayed. He still strongly insists that John Denver wrote Eleanor Rigby and the Beatles just covered it, no matter what evidence I show him!)
How precious and awkward all at the same time. It really is amazing though how simple most things with Jesus really are and how we forget sometimes he is right there to talk to. (you don't have to pray...duh.) I am glad that we have our children to teach us how to have a real relationship with God, one uninhibited by all our rules and independence.
We (my little family) are all driving in the car. I am really frustrated about something (like a project I was working on kept messing up...I don't remember exactly.). I have been talking about it to Ryan for over 5 minutes when I say, "I am just so angry".
From the back seat Jones says, "you should talk to Jesus"
M: What Jones?
J: You should talk to Jesus.
M: That's a good idea
J:Mommy is your heart filled with anger?
M: Yes, i guess so.
J: is it filled with jealousy too?
M: Mostly anger.
J: You need to talk to Jesus and ask him to fill your heart. Fill it with Him and with love.
M: You are right. I should pray to Jesus about it.
J: You don't have to pray. Just have to talk to Him. Ok...
M: Right now?
J: Yes mommy, right now. Ask Jesus to fill your heart.
I then prayed in the car that Jesus would fill my heart with him and Love and take away my frustration. We then moved on to a theological discussion over if praying to God and talking to God are the same thing or not...I am not sure what we decided in the end. (In some discussions he (Jones) cannot be swayed. He still strongly insists that John Denver wrote Eleanor Rigby and the Beatles just covered it, no matter what evidence I show him!)
How precious and awkward all at the same time. It really is amazing though how simple most things with Jesus really are and how we forget sometimes he is right there to talk to. (you don't have to pray...duh.) I am glad that we have our children to teach us how to have a real relationship with God, one uninhibited by all our rules and independence.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Indi Jayne what crazy hair you have...
My sweet baby has soft fluffy curly hair. Some days it is has precious ringlets and other days it resembles Richard Simmons. One thing that is true though...no mater how tight the ringlets or how fluffy the puff, she always has a wad in the back that is tangled. Her she is in all her glory. 
Christmas tree hunting
Christmas tree hunting
Reading with Arwen
Sneaking into the bath before her clothes were removed
Just waking up from a nap...such lovely hair
Half way between puff and ringlets
Again, just gotten up from nap
Doesn't quite show it...almost a good ringlet shotSaturday, December 13, 2008
Plans of mice and men
Lots of changes in all the plans that I have been making over the pat couple of months. I don't know if you remember the plans for the foster baby? Well, if you haven't guessed they are on hold. With Ryan intending to go back to school, we felt like adding another baby to the mix would be a little much. We were also advised by some past foster parents to maybe wait until our children get a few years older. I do know there will always be the need and really do look forward to when we will be able to care for a little baby until their parents become equipped and desire to do so. Moving on...
(Hey Ashtin, I tried to call you tonight. Do you not have an answering machine hooked up yet?)
I am sure, if you have been reading Ryan's blog at all you know we are in the middle of fund raising for this next year. i don't know what my deal is this year...usually things like fund raising make me excited and anticipating, watching what God will do and really expecting that He will do something great. But this year I have been quite the downer. I am anxious about the whole thing...strangely stressed and not really invested or wanting to hear updates or keep up with anything. And it seems as though instead of praying and seeking God, I am trying to figure out solutions on my own. How can I make money? Or thinking maybe we should look into different jobs. I have even found myself being angry with Ryan and wishing he would have just been a normal minister in a church that pays him, instead of after over three years of work, just having a one year long part time salary...that we had to raise. The problem with this anger is that (besides that fact that one should not be angry at their husbands...in general) WE chose this ministry, not just him. Anyway, I have been in a really down place about this all.
I have been trying to put a finger on what it is that is causing this shift. This frustration and general lack of faith. I have come up with a couple of possibilities. One might be that this last year was rough financially. Not like "my marriage and all of life is barely hanging on" rough, but more "living several thousand dollars below the poverty level in a expensive city is really hard" rough. The thing is that i think my family has actually been blessed through this and most of the time I don't even view myself as someone who is poor...I feel I make sacrifices, but never poor. I think we have gained a healthy view of materialism and finding happiness without having an excess of things (although we do have a lot). But at the same time I really do have pity parties and get in a place where I think..."seriously a girl sometimes would like anything new that fits or not have to feel guilty over spending $2 dollars on a coffee with a friend." Usually I do not dwell in this place long, because God humbles me and brings my heart around, reminding me that I have it SO much better than millions of other people. This time though I think I have been in this spot a little longer and maybe it's because I am looking at another year of this same very simplified living and maybe it is because of the season. It has been so much easier for me to stop wanting so much by just stopping to shop all together. But now with the Christmas shopping it reminds me of "what I don't have" or the fact that "my clothes are no longer in style". (this would be an interesting thing to explore deeper in the future...how, when we are not in a place to compare with others and their things, is everyone more happy? if we stopped putting ourselves in places that told us we want more, would we not want it anymore? i think so...) Isn't it interesting that something can bless us so much and be so hard at the same time. I wish that our nature wasn't such that we had to continually put our hearts in check. Wouldn't it be easier if we could just make a decision and have a conviction and stick to it without having to continuously rededicate. So this might be one reason.
Another reason is that I have ideas of how things should go. I really feel that I have good ideas and plans...wouldn't it be best if God would just align himself with them? \In the past I don't think I really grasped the extent of how God's plans are usually much different than ours. I have always know this, but this year in obedience to him i experienced it. Man it is hard sometimes...but would I have changed it? i think true faith that requires us to actually trust that God loves us more than we love ourselves and that he really does know and want better for us is so hard. I have discovered though that hard living in God's plan is peaceful and blessed and beautiful...living a little easier in the present, but not in God's will may seem easier to bare, but you miss out on so many blessings and your life can never be as truly beautiful. Even after saying all this and really believing it, I am at the place right now of having to follow what I believe even though i don't really want to. Hard.
Sorry if it feels as though I am dumping, i really think it is just refreshing when Christ followers will be real and open about the journey that faith actually takes and I always want to be honest with you.
Now, for today, we don't know what God has in store for us in 18 days, when our funding is essentially gone. We don't know where God is wanting Ryan to go to school or how we will pay for it. We are unsure where we will be living after February or weather or not i will be working. But I do now that the last sure thing we did know is His calling for us here working for renovatus. I know that he loves us and following Him will ultimately bring lives of beauty that we ourselves could not have composed. I know that God provides for and blesses his children in more ways then they can understand. And I am choosing to live out of that in faith...weather or not my heart feels up to the challenge. Pray for me that I will step out in faith again everyday.
(Hey Ashtin, I tried to call you tonight. Do you not have an answering machine hooked up yet?)
I am sure, if you have been reading Ryan's blog at all you know we are in the middle of fund raising for this next year. i don't know what my deal is this year...usually things like fund raising make me excited and anticipating, watching what God will do and really expecting that He will do something great. But this year I have been quite the downer. I am anxious about the whole thing...strangely stressed and not really invested or wanting to hear updates or keep up with anything. And it seems as though instead of praying and seeking God, I am trying to figure out solutions on my own. How can I make money? Or thinking maybe we should look into different jobs. I have even found myself being angry with Ryan and wishing he would have just been a normal minister in a church that pays him, instead of after over three years of work, just having a one year long part time salary...that we had to raise. The problem with this anger is that (besides that fact that one should not be angry at their husbands...in general) WE chose this ministry, not just him. Anyway, I have been in a really down place about this all.
I have been trying to put a finger on what it is that is causing this shift. This frustration and general lack of faith. I have come up with a couple of possibilities. One might be that this last year was rough financially. Not like "my marriage and all of life is barely hanging on" rough, but more "living several thousand dollars below the poverty level in a expensive city is really hard" rough. The thing is that i think my family has actually been blessed through this and most of the time I don't even view myself as someone who is poor...I feel I make sacrifices, but never poor. I think we have gained a healthy view of materialism and finding happiness without having an excess of things (although we do have a lot). But at the same time I really do have pity parties and get in a place where I think..."seriously a girl sometimes would like anything new that fits or not have to feel guilty over spending $2 dollars on a coffee with a friend." Usually I do not dwell in this place long, because God humbles me and brings my heart around, reminding me that I have it SO much better than millions of other people. This time though I think I have been in this spot a little longer and maybe it's because I am looking at another year of this same very simplified living and maybe it is because of the season. It has been so much easier for me to stop wanting so much by just stopping to shop all together. But now with the Christmas shopping it reminds me of "what I don't have" or the fact that "my clothes are no longer in style". (this would be an interesting thing to explore deeper in the future...how, when we are not in a place to compare with others and their things, is everyone more happy? if we stopped putting ourselves in places that told us we want more, would we not want it anymore? i think so...) Isn't it interesting that something can bless us so much and be so hard at the same time. I wish that our nature wasn't such that we had to continually put our hearts in check. Wouldn't it be easier if we could just make a decision and have a conviction and stick to it without having to continuously rededicate. So this might be one reason.
Another reason is that I have ideas of how things should go. I really feel that I have good ideas and plans...wouldn't it be best if God would just align himself with them? \In the past I don't think I really grasped the extent of how God's plans are usually much different than ours. I have always know this, but this year in obedience to him i experienced it. Man it is hard sometimes...but would I have changed it? i think true faith that requires us to actually trust that God loves us more than we love ourselves and that he really does know and want better for us is so hard. I have discovered though that hard living in God's plan is peaceful and blessed and beautiful...living a little easier in the present, but not in God's will may seem easier to bare, but you miss out on so many blessings and your life can never be as truly beautiful. Even after saying all this and really believing it, I am at the place right now of having to follow what I believe even though i don't really want to. Hard.
Sorry if it feels as though I am dumping, i really think it is just refreshing when Christ followers will be real and open about the journey that faith actually takes and I always want to be honest with you.
Now, for today, we don't know what God has in store for us in 18 days, when our funding is essentially gone. We don't know where God is wanting Ryan to go to school or how we will pay for it. We are unsure where we will be living after February or weather or not i will be working. But I do now that the last sure thing we did know is His calling for us here working for renovatus. I know that he loves us and following Him will ultimately bring lives of beauty that we ourselves could not have composed. I know that God provides for and blesses his children in more ways then they can understand. And I am choosing to live out of that in faith...weather or not my heart feels up to the challenge. Pray for me that I will step out in faith again everyday.
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