So here it goes:
Dear Xtina:
Mmmm...I like it when you sing. Why are you so dirty? Maybe you should should steal Kevin from your old friend Britt. I hear he likes that sort of thing.
Dear Russell,
Remember when you did that movie...What was it called? Oh yeah, Gladiator. Everyone liked it I hear. Too bad your so mean. If you you were nice maybe people would like the real you as much as they like the fake you from that movie.
Dear Dominic,
Hey you are a pretty tricky fellow. I mean, once you played a fanciful creature (a.k.a. Merry the hobbit) and you did a good job. I will admit, you looked and acted just like I would picture a hobbit. And that is what's so amazing, you still look like a hobbit...and yet know one seems to notice. I really thought they would have taken off your fake nose, but I guess girls seem to dig that.
Hey there TomKat,
Hey did you know that you are weird? Yeah you two are freakin' weirdos! You do weird things and believe weird things! Hey Crazy...why did you have to make your girl so weird? Katie get out while you are still only a little crazy and while your alien still has a chance to live normal like the rest of us. Run...go back to Dawson while you still can...that is, if he will take the alien. If not leave it with Crazy. Hey Crazy...go back to your planet, weirdo.
Not wanting to mentioning my beliefs on the media or the effects of TV on your brain, I want you to know one thing... I think this is so silly. I will leave you with this...one gift from me to you...your token topless hotty. Good night.
23 comments:
You are brilliant. I don't know how you ever struggled with being funny (or the pressure to be). This post is a great rip off of my Monday Dear posts. It's ok this time, but I want you to know that I own rights to Dominic Monaghan, Russell Crowe, and Ty Pennington. That leaves you Crazy, Xtina (whatever that means) and the fat guy with the thong. Be well.
but seriously. This was great. I loved it. It super cheered me up for the day ahead of me!
btw, if you had read, it wasn't me that wanted to see Ty naked. I posted clothed pictures. Someone wanted topless, so I looked and couldn't find one so I was FORCED to search Ty Naked. and that's all I got. He's a classy guy, that Ty...
Man, you can tell that the guy in the thong is a super christian. He must be best friends with Jesus to be allowed to wear such a big cross.
I'm not ashamed--it was me! It was me who wanted to see Ty naked. And not naked, just shirtless. And Ty Pennington, not Ty-my-brother. Because, EW! We're not from Arkansas! Don't be so gross.
Also? I'd really like to see the tan line that hairy guy gets from his cross necklace. I bet it's neato. He looks like all the men I saw in Greece. I went there hoping to find a Greek god on every corner--instead, I found a bunch of fat, drunk, hairy guys. And they wore deoderant even less frequently than Jess!
It doesnt seem as bad to diss on the famous wierdos as it does to diss on the wierdos in our own lives, and blogs, so, i chose to have fake convo's with britney because its a lot more entertaining than if i did a fake convo with say, ryan. it would be pretty much boring because its only entertaining when your dissing on the person, and i don't want to hurt any of my readers feelings cause i need the comments for self esteem issues.
Lisa, I for one hope that Jess doesn't dissuade you from posting fake conversations with weird celebrities. That was comedy gold! I loved it, and hope you make a habit of it.
Personally, I think snarking on celebrities is a valid and useful hobby. It's impossible to want to emulate someone you make fun of all the time. As Mark Twain said, "Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand."
no worries, Gina, I have no silly ideas of not posting my converstations with celebs. They are rich and compelling. Its for the betterment of our blogmunity.
Oh good! I look forward to it, Lisa.
I do hope Jess doesn't decide to make a tradition of Nearly Naked Fat Hairy Guy Photo Wednesdays!
YOU ROCK!
Please avoid NNFHGP Wednesdays, as per Gina's request.
That is all
I just want everyone to know that although I will not be engaging in the writing of celeb gossip/belitteling...I wish you all to continue. I was just teasing and want this in no way to be an attack against those of you who write such wonderful posts as, "dear mrs. Spears (is that what is was called?)" or "Dear Mr. Butt Pirate." Please continue.
And if you all thought that was a bad naked hairy man picture...you all should be thanking Ryan for not letting me put the picture I wanted to up. Let's just say a lot of ummm...great(?)...pictures come up when you google "hairy naked man". Butt-cracks galore. Amen and good day.
You should have just put up the naked pic of Ryan himself. The one that is so biblical.
You mean the one that sits on your night stand?
i hope it's not weird, but I really like that picture. Only because it is so incredibly inappropriate and funny. If I ever get that picture again, you guys are out of my will...
Hey! Look Jess! you were right- look how many comments you have! this was the. best. idea... ever.
how does the idea "if i pair a speedo with a crucifix it will look oh so hot on my hot hot bod" make its way into someone's head?
Not my nightstand...my dresser. It's a good 3 feet further away. Farther? Further? Which one is correct???
I believe it's preference- like Eeether and Eyether...
I just think its funny that in the picture, behind the speedo hottie is a hottie with pajama pants and his own hideously gawdy chain,and then behind him a guy who apparently is constipated.
Once there was an old man, sitting in his threadbare relciner, musing over the menaingful moments of his life; the meager contributions one man can make; the relationship one invests in; the prayers that are sent heavenward.
In his ample lap rested the old man's computer where words and images splashed, illuminating not only his darkened home, but also his old heart. With deft fingers, the ancient youth minister scrolled and clicked, reading the clever, humorous, and insightful thoughts of his old youth group members and their little friends.
As he linked from one blogsite to the next, the old man's heart warmed ... he sighed deeply ... and a tear fell.
D
Jess, are you waiting to post something new till you get to the magical 20 posts mark? Because this should be 19, and if you reply, even just to say, "Yep, that's what I was doing," then you'll have 20 comments and you can throw a party!
Actually i have been wanting to post, life has just gotten away from me. I am sorry and shall be posting soon. Please be patient my dear readers.
it is farther. signifying space.
"the shop is farther than i can drive"
further signifies an idea.
"he furthered the works of his company by giving this speech"
should i have been a teacher?
i'm so upset. i tell the mister it's okay that i keep a few blogs, cause i don't talk about him or the spawn.
BUT THEN YOU GO AND POST A PICTURE OF HIM ONLINE.
best regards, nice info » » »
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