Time again for a little blogging

Yesterday I saw my friend Ashtin. She posed this question...."so you just have to lay around all day right? Why don't you put something on your blog?"

Good question Ashes. Why haven't I blogged? I've got lots of time and very limited possibilities of things to do in that time....what' wrong? I really had no idea when she asked me. But, as I was pondering this thought this very morning (while I am home alone while my boys are at church), I came to realize that I think I just don't have much of me left over. I think between the 15 weeks of being bed-ridden and hospitalized, all the while puking my guts out. The almost three weeks of just nausea, but being able to keep down most of my food (what a glorious three weeks those were!!). The scare of almost having our precious little girl at 20 weeks (and 11 ounces). The two weeks of bed rest and the potential 16 more. My heart being broken because I can't care for or even pick-up my confused toddler who just wants his mommy. All the while watching my exhausted, loving, selfless husband carry it all by himself......I am tired.

Tired in a way that cannot be cured by taking naps or going to bed on time. Tired not in a good way like at the end of a marathon or after a day playing at the beach. I am fatigued in my body, mind, and soul. A deep exhaustion that penetrates all of my being.

The worst part of all is not the potential of me being stuck inside on my back for another 4 months, but the fact of what it does to those I love most....Jones and Ryan. I am pretty sure I can for the health and life of my little girl stay down and not even have too terrible of a mood about it. But watching how it affects every part of Jones and how Ryan now has so much on his own...it breaks my heart. I know people say kids are resilient(which is a statement I almost in every way disagree with. I think I will post on this thought another time) and that Jones, in the long run will be fine. I know that when this is all over Ryan will have a little girl to show for it...but it's still hard. I still want to pick up my boy in my arms and be able to rock him to sleep. I still want to look at my husband and not see such tired eyes.

Man this post was a downer.

The dilemma

I haven't been thinking of much lately. I mean, being sick and a mommy takes it all out of me...Mentally speaking. There is one thing that I have been pondering though and I thought maybe you all could offer some advice/suggestions.

I am growing my hair out. I hate it really. I love short hair and look better with it. But I have a dream...A beautiful dream...One that I am starting to doubt.

I love and want with my whole heart to have dreads. They are beautiful and I love them.

The Problem:
Dreads look really good on most people that have them. But a majority of those people are just naturally cool or have a certain look/style to them...I have neither of those things going for me. It seems to look fabulous in dreads you have to
A. Be a super cool hippy chick (like TJ)
b. Be funky Portlandy
c. Be Uber outdoorsie (you know what I mean by this)
d. Be 55 and have never brushed your hair as an adult

I am an average 20 something with no particular style. Average clothes, average mom. But I really love dreads. What is a girl to do? Can I still have these beautiful wads of hair and be plain old me? Is that what makes them so great?

So with no answer I continue to grow my average straight hair. Dreaming of the day I can have bad ass dreads. But should this day ever come? That is the question.

Jones...all American boy.

A lot of you who know Jones know that he signs half of his words and he says the other half. He probably can sign about 20 words and knows around 30 English words. (It depends on when he wants to use them though, so you may have never been witness to this.) One thing that he signs is "I love you". He doesn't use it very often, it is reserved for Mommy, Daddy, grandparents, and the occasional aunty.

Yesterday he was eating pizza. Which he really likes. Which he rarely gets because I have to make it from scratch so it is gluten free. But yesterday as a special treat Ryan (since I haven't been able to cook for ever 6 weeks) got really brave and for the first time made pizza from scratch...he is such a good daddy. It turned out good and Jones was in heaven. He was so happy in fact that every time he would take a bite he would say "Oh, yummmm. Yummm." He got so into his food that while eating his second piece during the "Yumm", he would look at his pizza and sign "I love you" to each bite. I asked him "Jones are you saying you love the pizza?" He just said "Yeah" and kept on enjoying and loving his food.

Don't feel bad if he has never said that he loves you. Apparently that special phrase is reserved for important things like Mommy, Daddy, and Pizza.

My poor husband...

Hey guys,

I just wanted to ask if you could be praying for our family. With baby #2 coming and me being so sick, Ryan is carrying a big load. He is not only doing everything for the house on his own, but also working at Outback, with Renovatus, and taking on pretty much being a single parent (as well as taking care of my many needs and puking). We are already feeling the strain of this possibly long process…

Please pray that Ryan can have peace, energy, good rest, and emotional reserve.

Pray that I can feel better and can be the helper my husband is needing so badly.

Pray that sweet Jonesy can better adjust to the changes in our house and routine.

Thank you so much. I really value all of our blogmunity.

WELL...Here we go again.

About a week ago I started feeling sick. I mean...just like sick to my stomach, tired, headaches...you know, normal "Ichy Feeling". I thought little of it until I realized that it was getting worse and that I would feel a little better if I ate food...Constantly. Finally I decided to go adn get a prego test at the local Kaiser...and...you guessed it.

We are having another baby!

We have no idea when it is due...I thought maybe end of September (the nurse said that would mean I literally JUST got pregnant...She thinks Aug 27th...Which is 2 days after Jones' birthday!! Crap)...Apparently I have no idea about this sort of thing. Anyway, this was sort of unplanned, but not totally prevented (which I guess means planned). We were totally shocked because we were still considering if we would try this again. So...That's the big news. We are SO excited and very nervous. So far I am only a little sick. I sort of just feel sick all the time and am very tired. I haven't really thrown-up at all yet, but I do wake-up all night sick, so that sort of sucks to never get a break from it. So pray for us and for little Jonesy...I don't want him to have to be without a Mommy.

I decided to include a few shots from when this happened before...

This is me at 6 months, great face huh? (Notice the how I don't have any hair...to sick to do it...Lets hope not this time.)

Here I am (looking very happy, I might add) at I think around 9 months.

There are times when Blogger is The Man...and this is one of those times.

I am a little bit pissed. Maybe a little more than a bit. The reason? I wrote a great blog....a spectacular blog on this new book I am reading..."the Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne...and then Stupid blogger erased it. That's it blogger. Now I am real steamed!

I will not re-write it. I have no patience and what little emotional energy I did have is now been sucked out by the first attempt at this blog. Just know this. The book I am reading completely kicks ass and it will make you totally examine your life...if it doesn't you have no heart. Email me or ask me questions if you want to know more about the book.

I was actually wondering if anyone had read the book or was interested in going out and buying one this very instant so that we could have a dialog/book club/discussion thing with this very book...but now in my heart I know no one will want to get a book that I only described at "Kick-ass" and "life examining". Maybe you should go on someone else's book review sight and find out what others have to say about it. Because I have nothing else.

You have no soul blogger...and that is the only thing that makes me feel O.K. about this whole situation. Good night.

But seriously...read the book...right away so we can talk about it.

A sweet baby...and my friend Ty...and one final thought.

I am thinking about two...no, three things tonight. Here you are...

1.) Lisa I like you. I want to be someone like you. I like how you show Jesus.

If you want to know more about why I want to be like Lisa, just check out her blog.

2.) I like Ty. Anonymous is pissing me off big time. In fact, I dislike him a lot...a whole lot. He made another hateful comment on Ty's smart blog. If you want to say anything to him...you should go there now. Ty please know that we think you are fabulous. Anonymous please know that hate is no aloud here...please be kind or go away. Amen.

3.) I want to have another baby. I want to have two kids to love. A little girl would be great, but another boy I would be happy with as well. Here is the hold up...
Ryan and I are feeling like I am not really suppose to have one. I was so sick the first time, we just don't know if I should try. At the same time it takes a lot of money to adopt. You see, working part time at Outback and work the other time with Renovatus for free doesn't afford much extras for things like...oh...buying children...for example. Does anyone know much about Foster adopting? The idea is just starting to go through our minds....
I mean I will be a stay at home mommy...so I can give the baby lots of attention...how does it really work? Anyone have experience with this. I am thinking little baby...I guess probably a drug baby. What are my chances of actually keeping him/her?
If you have any info on this...pass it along. We are still in the thinking stage...so I don't even know if this will really go anywhere...Pray for us, will you? Thanks.

4.) Where have all my funnies gone? I mean people, I use to be quite humorous. I am just not feeling it. Here I sit, trying to think of something...anything that will be light hearted...but nothing is coming. I guess I am just in one of those moods. Hmmm

5.) Sorry...sorry to you dear reader...this has been long, drawn out, and quite boring. So I am going to end now. good night.

6.) Remember Raj? Oh how I miss him...

7.) Peace out Suckers!



P.S. Why do I love dirty Pirate Johnny Depp so much??

Mark my words people...I will get me some dreads. Some Darn good dreads....Just watch me.

All boy?

I love how you are. You funny little guy.

Here is Jonesy when he discovered he could wear mommy's bandanna. He LOVES it! Almost as much as he loves wearing necklaces (not quite...I am not sure if anything makes a boy feel as fancy as wearing a pretty beaded necklace. Seriously, we can't even take him into a jewelry department at any store...he cries because he wants the necklaces...wants them bad! ). Since then he has been trying to wear anything that could pass for a bandanna on his head...mostly he just walks around with a hand towel on his head (that he has laid there himself). Man he is cute. Our only dilemma with his fabulous fashion taste is this...The necklaces, funny bandannas, and mommy's slipper socks (which he also adorns on special occasions) are all ok, but how do you get a boy to not be sad with his shoes when all he wants are the pink ones. Seriously...anytime we go to the shoes store he only wants the pink ones...I show him lots of blue, red, camo, but no, he loves pink...and Hello Kitty. The issue here is not about me worrying that he will be to feminine...I don't think this even plays into that...the issue is I feel so bad not buying him the any of the shoes his heart desire (Pink Crocs, sparkle pink slides, ect...) and making him cry when he has to put them back...but I am not going to actually buy him a pair like that! What's a mom to do?

For Sissy T...and for Sara(h?)...BFF!

This is for you T.



It's kind of creepy all your dreams about babies are deformed and very tiny. Remember fetus baby which you kept in a saucer of milk on the window sill? Remember when he dried up like a chip?? Sad...I don't really know what to make of it....Sorry.

The kettles are black...My heart is sad.

I love kettle corn. (not like I love my husband, but maybe like I love my all my earthly possessions)I do not like it when it gets burnt. That makes baby Jesus cry. I do love kettle corn the most with a big box of hot tamales...one bite corn/one bite tamales. I also love to drink milk with my kettles and hot toms.

Here I sit tonight...a big bag of half burnt Kettle corn, no tamales, no milk...What's a girl to do? I guess eat the whole bag by myself anyways.



Good night

This is for R to the 1

If you saw Ryan's post with the Southpark video and if you read Arwen's comment about evolution...then you'll want to watch this. Sorry for all the Southpark from the Woods' home this week.

New Book...Maybe you should read it?

So I just finished a new book. I loved it. I know a lot of people say that about books, but I don't. I can think of maybe a handful of books that I actually love....Maybe 4? I love a book that I deem intelligent, thought provoking, something that I walk away from either enriched or at least one that caused me to think or has enlightened me in some way. I know that makes it sound boring, but I have no other way of describing what I like in a book. I want something that is real (not necessarily non-fiction), alive, and I am the better for reading it. For me, if I am actually going to commit to reading something, I want my imagination to be stimulated, for my thoughts to be challenged, to walk away maybe a little different? (Is that really what I want to say??)

Anyway, all that was to say that I really enjoyed a new book. It is called "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell.
It is a very easy read, I think like 180 pages. I think you should take the time to read it, you might be pleasantly surprised at it's perspective and the ways it's philosophy is presented. When you read it let me know what you think. I hope it is for you what it was for me.

You are so stinking cute...it kills me!

Jones is a monkey for Halloween and it is ridiculous how cute he is in his costume...He even walks like a monkey!

Wonka down, wonka down!

It is true. The last wonka...the last remaining pair died a tragic death this week. The cause...Death by Purse. It is in fact the same way all the other wonkas left this world...It really was fate. This death is tragic, more so then you might realize. It ends an era. Not a long era, but glorious one. A time when wonkas united and created something that could last...Something that would last....or so we thought. We think this no more. Not with this finally passing. And so with this in mind I say good-bye. Good-bye old friend. You who shaded not only my eyes, but my entire face. You who were so large that you kept anyone from ever knowing I had eyebrows or even a forehead. You who can never be replaced. Good-bye forever. I love you!

If you would like to leave a shout out to the wonkas...any wonk you chose...you may do so on this post. I believe that even though they are gone, the wonkas can still hear us and will be blessed to be missed. Please be reverent.

Oh and P.S. Sorry about the car picture. I didn't mean it to alarm anyone, I just didn't have a picture of my car, so I googled a wrecked silver car. Ooops...should have thought that through a little bit more. Anyway, my car is smashed, but not that smashed.

The final update...

So here is the latest news...

Jillian's visit to the cardiologist went very well. She does have a couple
of abnormalities but they are in the acceptable range. And unless they were
to get a lot worse at some future time she doesn't have to worry about them.
Some of the blood work has indicated that she has had a virus and so is most
likly run down from that. He feels that most of the syptoms are due to
stress. That she needs to do only 10 things instead of 30. Also that she
needs not to try to save the WHOLE world but maybe just herself and one or
two other people. She is able to return to work with the understanding that
she is to make choices and say "no" sometimes. Thank you so much for your
prayers on her behalf. She is so blessed to have so many people who love
and care for her.

Thank you again!

Pam

So that is good news! Yeah Jillian and yeah God!



Now onto other things...
I have a terrible neck-ache! Jones and I got in a car accident today and now I am pissed...What once was a pretty awesome car (You know a silver Hyundai Accent, just about the coolest car you can get.) is no longer so. It has a completely smashed hood and front bumper. Add that to the fact that it is scary to crash with your child (he is ok but has abrasions on both sides of his neck from the shoulder straps of his car seat.), especially when they get scarred and scream! What started with me being in Portland, looking, trying to see if I had come to the right street, ended up with a rear-ending. My fault. The car in front of the one I hit slammed on their brakes, then he slammed on his and I sorta slammed on mine, but mostly I just plowed into him. Ooops! The moral of this story is...never look to see if you really need to turn, just turn. That's it, just turn and hope it works out good. THE END

Jilli McJillerson

So here is some news about Jilli before I go out of town...When I get home, hopefully I can go into more detail. Here is the email from my mom:

Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

Praise God! The Echocardiogram results for Jillian have come back with a
much better result then the first EKG indicated. There is some sluggishness
in the valve going into her heart. But it is only a little under the normal
varriance. The fact that she is still having symptoms however has the
doctors a little concerned. She is to under go a fasting blood panel on
friday and a stress EKG on Tuesday of next week. Then she is to see a new
cardiologist sometime the end of the week. From some of the blood work that
was done before there is some indication that it might be a virus of some
kind but nothing is certain until the new blood work results are in. She has
been released from "bed rest" and is allowed to go about life but no work
until all the tests are in and she is to REST. She is very releived about
being able to do a few more things. Thank you so much for your prayers and
good wishes. Please continue to hold Jillian up before God. She is still
VERY tired and run down. Her chest still hurts from time to time and she is
still ALWAYS cold, sometimes with blue finger nails.

Thank you all again,

Pam

Have a great weekend!

Where is that thin line between action and bullshit?

All the comments on Lisa's blog made have a couple thoughts that I typed out real quick...I don't know if you agree with them. It is just my reaction to what I was reading there and what I have been thinking lately about our society in America. I am planning very soon to write another post about the media(I know you are all very excited about this...it is really all my readers favorite topic that I touch on...), and many of theses thoughts that I throw out there might be touched on in the blog to come. But this is just some ramblings...what do you think?
In America I think that the majority of people are not taught to think for themselves. We are coming to a time when most people have always had an over abundance and so are becoming lazy. Lazy in many ways, lazy not just in the physical sense. We are taking for granted the power and the place we are. We are lazy in our minds and the majority of people think not for themselves, but just the thoughts of those before or maybe even worse the thoughts the media gives us. The few who chose to think for themselves are lazy in another way, it seems. We have these strong opinions, we have these beliefs, we call out others on their poor judgment or their awful beliefs, but what do we do about it? A large number of young people don't vote, but a huge majority have very strong opinions about what is right. A scant amount of young people are socially active in their community but they have opinions that they openly share about the evils of our government and the things which people in power should do. Which seems worse? Which seems more hypocritical? The people who have political views which I do not agree with, but who take action on their beliefs , or the people who write articles, blogs (this is totally not talking about Lisa, but just peoples blogs in general), and complain verbally about their beliefs, but it stops there. They have no action. Just bull shit. Isn't that what it makes it? If I have an opinion, a standard of living that I want to hold others too, but only talk about myself...it makes it bullshit. And not just plain bullshit, it makes it hypocritical, unintelligent bullshit. I want to challenge people, not just people, but myself to think of a few things...

Do I have rights to complain and judge others about things, political, religious or otherwise if I myself am doing nothing to be proactive in that area?

Do the things I say I believe show in my life? Or do I say one thing and do another, or nothing at all?

Do I really know why I believe what I do. Did I form this thought on my own, with education and with checking my biases, or am I just spewing words and thoughts that others have fed me?

I feel so frustrated by what I feel is a lack of interest in finding information and deciding on things for one's self ( I think in Lisa's post Tara touched in this topic). I also am becoming more and more frustrated by what I see as the a selfish and lazy way of thinking that is becoming America's norm. Do we as a society hold people to truths? Do we challenge what is fed to us (mainly here I am talking about through the media ~news, commercials, reality show, ect...~ But I also think that what we are taught in school, our religious facilities, families, needs to be thought through) and decide what we believe?
How do thoughts like this effect me personally? How can I as a person come away from a written thought like this and live out what I have typed only in theory. How can I keep myself from creating my own personal hypocritical bullshit?

**How many times can one say bullshit in one post??

Hair....that word is sorta sick huh? Hair...ewww.

I need a new hairstyle and I need one bad! I haven't gotten a hair cut in like 4 months and I am going crazy! I need something a little fun and little funky, something super hot and super chic. So what do you suggest? I am up almost anything, except for long...I wont go there. I need color and cut advice...I am almost all natural color and I can't stand it much longer. Give me advice and give it fast.

Here is one idea I came up with...too bold? Too Crazy? Or Super Hot Mama?! What do you really think?

Jillian Dear

So one of my sisters, Jillian (She is the tall, thin, beautiful one...Oh wait that is both of my sisters!) lives in Australia as a missionary. She loves it and works really hard. She also, just for the record has a really sweet boyfriend named Mark...and guess what ladies he has a real authentic Australian accent. How cute is that?!? Anyway, the real reason I making this post is not to tell you all about my sister's boyfriend (I just had to add that...what girl doesn't want a boyfriend with a hot accent?), but to ask for prayers for her. I will give you a copy of the email my mom sent out:

Jillian has been in Melbourne for three weeksrepresenting AIM and working with the church there. She has not beenfeeling well for several weeks and so went to the doctor. Test were done,including an EKG and it was found that she has something seriously wrongwith her heart. The test was not detailed enough to give much informationjust that there was something wrong and her heart was not pumping all theblood from one of the chambers. Much like a 70 year olds persons, is whatshe was told. Jillian and the coordinator at Gosford decide it would be bestfor her to return to Gosford so that she could see a specialist in Sydneyand have more detailed tests. She flew there yesterday and had anechocardiogram. The results will be sent to the Doctor in 5 working daysand she will see the cardiologist them. Please pray for an accuratediagnosis. Pray for Jillian's strength and peace of mind. She is justresting in the Lord right now but is a long way from home and a littlenervous. If you want to send her prayers and love send your e-mails toauzzyaimer@hotmail.com if you have questions please send those to me attonypam@centurytel.net. Thank you so much for your love and prayers onbehalf of our daughter.

So as you can see, my 20 year old sister is having some major heart problems and needs everyones prayers! I will keep everyone updated. Thank you!

A good green bean

Every once in a while Jones will go on a hunger strike. He is very active in politics and believes that is the best way to stick it to the man. Ok really, he just goes on hunger strikes when he is teething and we just pretend he is being brave for a cause he believes in. Whenever he is on one of his strikes we like to tell anyone who he refuses food from about his strike and why he is having it. Here are some of the reasons:

Breast cancer awareness
Peace in the middle east
Acapella music only at Renovatus
Capitalism
Capitol one
Capitol hill

You know your average run of the mill hunger strike. We believe someday he will be a great leader.

But seriously, now he is on one of his hunger strikes. When he wont eat for a couple days we can occasionally trick him into eating one of his two favorite foods, plain rice cakes and green beans. Plain green beans, slightly cooked, long so he can hold one in each hand while he plays. Here is a couple pictures of my boys eatting their green beans yesterday. Aren't they the cutest?!